in_the_blood | (ataraxion) ic inbox

[At the sarcasm, Loki merely lifts a brow in the most condescending manner possible. Because excuse you, but there's nothing wrong with his personality at all! ~~Except for the million things that are wrong with it.~~]

You would fare badly as a storyteller. An introduction like that is hardly acceptable when it only instigates more questions on my end. [The criticism is just a way of getting back at her for that "winning personality" remark.] What sort of situation were we in, when we supposedly first met?

[Cassie shrugs; the remark doesn't really bother her. She's heard as much before-- she knows her weaknesses. And anyway, as far as Loki quips go, it's tame. In any case, it's the second part that bothers her. At his question, her face grows a bit serious.]

It was... a spaceship a lot like this one, with all kinds of people from different dimensions. Only we didn't know it was a spaceship, and it was actually a testing facility. For "science". See, they had our real bodies locked up in a coma somewhere, with our brains hooked up to some kind of neural transmitter thing. Our consciousness was then projected from there into these... uh, clone bodies, if you will. Exact flesh duplicates of ourselves, except with no powers.

So... the idea was, they could put us through any kind of dangerous test without fear of losing a test subject. If your body died, they'd just make a new clone and shove your consciousness into the new one. ... All the test subjects were split up into teams, to compete against one another. Every win netted you "points" which you could then use to improve your living situation or chances-- better weapons, better food, the revival of a teammate into a new body, and so on.

... We were put on the same team. Iota... the ninth letter of the Greek alphabet.

[She says all this matter-of-factly; it's been long enough for her that she's gotten good enough at least at pretending it doesn't bother her. The human mind can adapt to anything, right?]

[Loki listens intently enough, but there is sense of detachment about him. After all, as far as he is concerned, this "other" Loki is not him at all. He has little reason to regard him as such.

He waits for her to finish before responding, a frown creasing at the corners of his mouth.]

Forced camaraderie is not camaraderie at all. I am not surprised that our personalities may have... clashed.

Nonetheless, did you arrive on the Tranquility directly after your experiences in this other place?

Tell me about it. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get you to play nice as part of a team? [She says it with wry smile on her face, teasing rather than serious.]

And yeah, that's about the long and short of it. Eventually we were all able to wake up our real bodies and bust out of the joint. I was meant to return home, but... evidently, that didn't happen.

I don't really mind it as much as I should, funnily enough. There's nothing for me back home now anyway.

[He gives her a sideways grin, patronizing tone probably not lost on her.] I was never one inclined towards teams. But perhaps you already know that?

As for lacking attachment to home, I will admit we at least share that much. I do not know what you learnt from your own Loki in terms of his... status in Asgard, or in Midgard -- but for me, all that awaits for me back home is a small cell.

Yeah, I know... on both counts. [That makes her sad; she doesn't want to think about Loki sitting in a cell alone.]

One of my favourite things we used to talk about... all the places we were going to go to and things we were going to do once we busted outta there. But... I don't know, I always got the feeling like you didn't really believe they were going to come true.

I did offer to go back to Asgard with you and punch your dad in the face, though. An offer which still stands, by the way. I'm kinda disappointed you never took me up on it!

Edited 2013-11-10 16:54 (UTC)

[Okay. Despite everything, the unexpected declaration wins her a laugh. It is short, a bit bitter, but it isn't lacking in sincere amusement.]

How I would enjoy seeing that, Cassie Blake. [The imagery is amusing, however unlikely.] So I told you of the Allfather and his hypocrisy?

[Of course he did. It burns at his core, the very reason why his life has unravelled at the seams. Because of Odin.]

And to be honest, I would enjoy doing it!

Turns out, douchebag dads are just one more thing on the long, laundry list of things we surprisingly have in common.

Humour me, then. What else is on this list?

Hoooo boy. Okay, sure. Why not? Disclaimer: you're probably not going like this.

Let's see. Father issues up the wazoo, mostly caused by being seen as a pawn by said dads to further their own goals rather than as actual people. A healthy dose of ostracism and self-hatred for being born different. Yearning to be accepted by our only sibling. What have I left out? Oh yeah, wondering if maybe you're monster?? Occasionally driven to bouts of psychosis when in despair? Wondering if there's any place for yourself left in this world??

... I think that about covers it.

[Ouch. Each item on the 'list' hits at the heart of the matter, slicing right through all those layers of "I don't give a flying fuck"s that Loki makes an effort to build around himself.

Well. He did ask, after all.]

...Your Loki was quite open with you. Somehow I find this to be an uncomfortable notion. [For what version of him would spill himself in that manner? To a mortal nonetheless? There are things there that he will not even speak with to Thor, unless provoked. It settles ill with him.]

Needless to say, it would be most appreciated if you do not speak of these things to others. There are many reasons why I keep them to myself.

That being said, why ever does any that apply to yourself as well? It is only fair that you share.

... It took a long time, and ... you don't have to worry, I wouldn't ever tell anyone else.

[Cassie opens her thermos to take a sip of that tea.]

... I didn't know my dad, for a long time. I was always told that he was dead. After my mom died, though... he showed up. Said he wanted to get to know me, said he loved my mom, that he'd only stayed away for our safety, because a lot of people wanted him dead, stuff like that. Everyone told me not to buy it, and I didn't at first. I'd been angry at him for seventeen years, what gave him the right to suddenly show up and call himself my dad? ... But he won me over. I guess I really did want his approval or something.

It makes me feel sick when I think about how easily I was manipulated. I was just a tool to him... he just wanted to create a child with the bloodline of the most powerful dark magic combined with the bloodline of the most powerful white magic, then make sure she was sad and alone enough that she would trust him and be easily molded. Could be his little puppet, his tool for war.

... Even among witches, dark magic is feared and spurned. I thought I'd finally found a place where I fit in, but ... when we found out I had it, it kinda ... strained relationships just a lil' bit. Suddenly I was just a ticking time bomb. My friends were scared of me, and my half sister ran away with her boyfriend so she could be as far away as possible from me. The only person who ever liked and accepted me for myself ... had his memory fucked with by my dad, so he couldn't remember why he liked me. To be honest, the worst part is? I don't even blame the others. I'm scared of me, too.

... So yeah, that's me.

Edited 2013-11-10 23:32 (UTC)

[Though empathy does not come quickly to one such as Loki, he cannot help but feel a strain of sympathy upon hearing Cassie explain herself. He can draw the parallels, easily, between his situation and hers. And though there are prominent differences, as well, the heart of it feels dangerously familiar to his own sense of self.]

You have my sympathies.

[But.]

Yet you are no monster. From what I hear, you are a well of potential, untapped. You should not fear the power you possess.

[Cassie actually laughs when he says that-- that she's not a monster? Ha ha ha. It's small and restrained thing, like an in-joke that only she finds funny. There's an edge of bitterness to it too, well-hidden but there.]

You know... you said the exact same thing to me last time, too. But I didn't believe you then, and I don't believe you now.

You haven't seen what I can do. What I have done. I thought I could control it, but I can't. All I have to do is get angry with someone and then suddenly! I'm force-choking them like I'm Darth Vader or something. --Sorry, pop culture reference. Anyway, the point is, dark magic can't be controlled. It controls you.

Edited 2013-11-14 07:39 (UTC)

[And Loki doesn't look completely convinced of that.] Dark magic is not unheard of in Asgard. There are a few, in fact, that can control it without issue at all.

[Hela for instance. What a scary lady she can be.]

Perhaps you need a proper sort of instructor.

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